Thread: Dying?

Weve had a few good discussions about this. That's not a bad thing - I only raise it to point out that obviously there's many people scared of death, or at least it's something that's on a lot of people's mind.

Everything resists death, from the smallest insect to the biggest mammal. It is like there is something 'unnatural' about an existing entity becoming non-existant (if that's what happens). Even if dying is a transition to another state of being, it is obvious that our natural state of being does not like the door of death we must walk through.

I've seen a few people die, and it has always been peaceful and sacred. But it doesn't make me more peaceful about it.

Interestingly, with our very long average life spans, we rarely encounter death in western society and we certainly aren't socialised on how to accept or deal with it. We resist death at every turn, almost programmed to believe we are invincible. Other societies have developed long periods of grieving and rituals to help people deal with death - I wonder if we are missing something like this in our society?

I totally am not scared of it. I almost welcome it. I don't mean to sound morbid but its true. Not for any depressive emo reasons either.

Originally Posted by azzah

Other societies have developed long periods of grieving and rituals to help people deal with death - I wonder if we are missing something like this in our society?

My friend died 10 years ago (anglo-saxon australian). He had a maori funeral (his wife is maori and his wishes were to have a maori funeral) Alot of the aussies couldnt handle it at first (the way we did things). Weeks after they are saying how much they would like to farewelled the maori way. It certainly differs to the europeans type funerals.

Hi Ace. Id love to hear how it differs if you don't mind explaining.

For many the funeral/burial rituals are a celebration of the person. Not mourning the death. Id go the celebration. My fathers funeral was borderline celebration even though i lost the plot (pun not intended but lol). He'd been sick for ages and him dying was just a relief for him and everyone else.
My nephews funeral (he was 9days old) was one of few tears and a stunned silence.

When i was at school my friend died of bone cancer. She'd been an amazing equestrian whatever. Her funeral was a procession led by her horse up the main street of her small country town. It was a long time ago now but i remember there being a focus on celebrating her life and achievements (she had many even at 16). I wonder now if thats the only way her family would have coped.

Originally Posted by azzah

Weve had a few good discussions about this. That's not a bad thing - I only raise it to point out that obviously there's many people scared of death, or at least it's something that's on a lot of people's mind.

Everything resists death, from the smallest insect to the biggest mammal. It is like there is something 'unnatural' about an existing entity becoming non-existant (if that's what happens). Even if dying is a transition to another state of being, it is obvious that our natural state of being does not like the door of death we must walk through.

I've seen a few people die, and it has always been peaceful and sacred. But it doesn't make me more peaceful about it.

Interestingly, with our very long average life spans, we rarely encounter death in western society and we certainly aren't socialised on how to accept or deal with it. We resist death at every turn, almost programmed to believe we are invincible. Other societies have developed long periods of grieving and rituals to help people deal with death - I wonder if we are missing something like this in our society?

During ‘modernisation’, affluent Western society became more and more compartmentalised and removed from experience. Death which once happened in the home surround by family, more and more became death in hospitals, hospices, under the care of the ‘Expert/Specialist’.

Because of this removal of experience (from death) and death denial it is no wonder people fear death.

I agree that we are missing out on something here. Once families were the ones to wash and clean the body, this itself an act of love and process of grief. Now, again, this is usually done in hospitals. I don’t know if you are aware of the ‘Momento Mori’ phenomena which was a common occurrence in the nineteenth Century, where families would have photographs taken of their dead children and with them (children because they had the highest mortality rate). Many people find this repulsive or unusual, but again, this is another process of grief and demonstration of love. It still happens today, when families loose babies, etc.

I don’t feel that all death is peaceful and sacred. I’ve had friends die in horrific car accidents. To me that is life ripped away, stolen too soon. The death that is violent and painful imo is not 'a good death'!

My friend died 10 years ago (anglo-saxon australian). He had a maori funeral (his wife is maori and his wishes were to have a maori funeral) Alot of the aussies couldnt handle it at first (the way we did things). Weeks after they are saying how much they would like to farewelled the maori way. It certainly differs to the europeans type funerals.

Yes I'd love to hear about it also.

Originally Posted by azzah

Other societies have developed long periods of grieving and rituals to help people deal with death - I wonder if we are missing something like this in our society?

I have long been fascinated with Mexican "day of the dead" I love the imagery, the iconography and just the general ritual that has existed for over 3000 years or so..

I think its great that these cultures have a day where they celebrate their ancestors lives and deaths, its a bit kooky, but i dig that while being a somewhat spiritual thing, it also just a really good way to deal with grief.

Do some research on the topic, its quite interesting.

One of my friends from school died unexpectedly on Australia Day. I spoke at the service and was telling funny stories of what she used to get up to and what we did at school etc. Afterwards, a couple of the other girls and I went out and reminisced about school and just about wet ourselves laughing at the things we all got up to. It was a celebration of her life which was great.


I'm not scared of dying, just the way I'm going to die. I'd hate to die in horrific circumstances and be in pain or suffering.

I've decided I want to die while having great sex licking chocolate off a hot man.......

Originally Posted by Rusha

Not for any depressive emo reasons either.

Haha...I never pictured you as an emo Rusha. Sorry, I wasn't saying everyone is scared of death, just that a lot of people are.

Tamtam, certainly not all deaths are peaceful and sacred. Many times death is grotesque, painful and 'unfair'. I am so thankful that my experience with my Mum was the former and not the latter. My Grandmother (my mum's mum) died about the same time as my mum, and she died a horrible extended death made worse by alzheimers. I certainly hope I go before something like that. My Pop went peacefully in his sleep - now that's the why to go!

I'm not scared of dying, just the way I'm going to die. I'd hate to die in horrific circumstances and be in pain or suffering.

I've decided I want to die while having great sex licking chocolate off a hot man.......

hmmmm... great sex, licking chocolate off a hot man.. thats all I heard! lol.

seriously Soriminah. I'm sorry for your loss.

Haha...I never pictured you as an emo Rusha.

Rusha: you got some secret goth/emo thang goin' that you have not told me about? rolf

Originally Posted by Rusha

Hi Ace. Id love to hear how it differs if you don't mind explaining.

For many the funeral/burial rituals are a celebration of the person. Not mourning the death. Id go the celebration. My fathers funeral was borderline celebration even though i lost the plot (pun not intended but lol). He'd been sick for ages and him dying was just a relief for him and everyone else.
My nephews funeral (he was 9days old) was one of few tears and a stunned silence.

When i was at school my friend died of bone cancer. She'd been an amazing equestrian whatever. Her funeral was a procession led by her horse up the main street of her small country town. It was a long time ago now but i remember there being a focus on celebrating her life and achievements (she had many even at 16). I wonder now if thats the only way her family would have coped.

Rusha, I kind of agree with you but kind of not. I think funerals both have to be a celebration but also a time for people to grieve. In my experience, even recently, funerals have become more and more a whitewashed occasion where people stand stoicly remembering the life of the person passed without almost a hint of emotion, as if its embarassing or something. The problem is, when people aren't allowed, or don't feel like they can, grieve, mental issues often occur later. There has to be balance because no one wants a morbid funeral either.

Yeah i can buy that Azzah. But dont forget, a celebration doesnt just mean people are cheering, drinking and dancing. I think even at the 'happiest' of funerals you'll still find sadness and some tears. Celebrating is just acknowledging the life they had. Not what they lost (if that makes sense).

I think once you're dead - you're dead, that's it... all over. When I'm dead I won't know that I ever lived. So there is nothing to fear cause I won't know anything about it.

Just my opinion.

Originally Posted by VAS

I think once you're dead - you're dead, that's it... all over. When I'm dead I won't know that I ever lived. So there is nothing to fear cause I won't know anything about it.

Just my opinion.

That's what I hate though...the thought of not one more beer with a mate, a sunset, a great meal, a piece of art or film, etc.

yeah, another thing is memories... will i remeber anything? wife,kids, happy times sad times?