Thread: Jealousy

Hi all,

Here's something that happened during the week that had me thinking and ended with me thinking that perhaps i'm not a very nice person ......

I've been with my partner for about 6 months and we are still discovering each other - how we are now, how we want to be, our pasts etc. I found myself (not passing judgement) but making some very nasty comments to him about some things in his past. (I say not passing judgement because i neither condone or not condone his past - I accept it as him and know we all have a past of some sort). I really hurt him by my comments (and being me, it wasn't just one comment, it was 4 or 5 on the same topic just to stick the boot in!), it had the desired effect at the time, but i was deeply regretful immediatly after. I apologised and we talked it through.

2 days later and after much reflection I think that the reason I tend to stick the boot in occassionally is because I am actually jealous. Of his life. Of the things he has done, the experiences he has had and i'm pissed off at how (in comparison) I feel that I have not lived life to its fullest. I treat his past like "the other woman". We talk about our past experiences as a part of getting to know each other more and sometimes it's fine, sometimes however, when it comes up I get very antsy and backlashy.

Bitch..........

wood-duck I know how you feel and I can relate to what triggered your 'nastiness'. I have a 'friend' who seems to have it so easy and has had so many opportunities and I can recognise jealousy in myself at times. I feel ripped off at times.

The very first big positive step is you recognising this in yourself. You were able to reflect and recognise and now you can address it. Not easy but you are part way there. I guess the other thing is to see how you can live life to the fullest. Perhaps not everything you would want but see if you can get some ticks on the list. You can't be too nasty if you have enough insight to see this problem and to show remorse.

The thing Im determined to tick off my list is skydiving.

Originally Posted by Rusha

I guess the other thing is to see how you can live life to the fullest.

Hi wood-duck

Don't be jealous, Learn from it, seize the day from now on.... Life is great, we just have to find our way through the clouds at times. Hey you have recognised you have been a bitch so you are on the right path...looking for change..

Good luck
( And I am sure you are not really a bitch at all)

jealousy is human instinct

I used to be a very jealous person in the past about a lot of things. It was often triggered when I compared myself to others and found my experiences lacking in comparison. Very unpleasant and very destructive for all involved!

The root cause of jealousy is insecurity, about who you really are, and about what you are really here to do. It comes from your sub-consciousness, through karma, created from experiences in either this life or past lives. The stronger the feeling is, the more likely it is they come from past life experiences.

These energies are very deeply embedded and hard to get rid of. We cannot 'rationalise' away jealousy by simply telling ourselves 'we should not be jealous'. In other words, 'reasoning' does not solve the issue.

I am now going to delve into this a bit deeper and give a spiritual explanation of how it works. Karma is stored in something called the akashic records. These records store everything we have done in all lives we have had. They also store our divine truth, or what our unique gifts are, what mastery we are here to attain, and what our purpose in this life is.

The people with the gifts of reading and clearing the karma and akashic records are called 'record keepers'. I am one of those people.

wood-duck, if you PM me the suburb and state you live in I will try to recommend someone you can see to clear this :). You will not only be able to clear this, but also be given the purpose of this life, and your gifts and mastery.

Once you understand this, and it fully resonates with you (which it will once some of this karma has been cleared), you will fully understand your own uniqueness and divinity. That your journey is just as magnificent and rich in experiences as anyone else's. Because it has led you to this point in life, this very present moment, where you can now make the choice of how you want to live your future life.

It is a bit like the Matrix, do you want to take the red or the blue pill :). One will take you back to your old life, the other will reveal a greater truth. Having a couple of these record-keeper sessions I am talking about will reveal this greater truth. You are ready for it. You have been guided to look at this, otherwise you would not have posted what you did. So let me help you find someone that can help you :).

PS. And please forgive me if I get a bit personal in my replies. I write from hy heart instead from my head, that is why it is coming out a bit differently :).

Originally Posted by union

jealousy is human instinct

Jealousy is a normal human instinct but the behaviours that can be driven by it are not always normal and healthy.

Jealousy is normal, but it is not natural. Our natural state is to love and to be compassionate to each other :).

Originally Posted by Rusha

Jealousy is a normal human instinct but the behaviours that can be driven by it are not always normal and healthy.

What is normal?

We feel jealous (relationship jealousy) when we feel threatened. Its a human instinct to want to reproduce our own and when that is threatened by another person then there is an instinct to defend that. Now this is normal, but in modern civilization we try to suppress it.

Because your partner has had other women in the past its normal to feel some sort of jealousy, if you didn't it would be unusual. Even though they're not a direct threat to your relationship.

Being jealous or envious of someone else is makes you feel down or angry because your basically accepting that they're more powerful then you (in the case of seeing someone with a better physique then you) and sometimes it triggers a bit of bitchiness. An example would be walking into a pub, you have a great body, your very stong and you look powerful. Joe blow sees you and it jealous because he realises that your stronger then him and more powerful and he gets jealous and tries to defend his own ego by fighting or arguing.

I think its all normal unless you let it take control of your life.

Originally Posted by union

I think its all normal unless you let it take control of your life.

Thats pretty much what i meant.

It is insecurity but its also recognition. Recognition that perhaps you haven't lived life to its fullest (the criteria for that could mean different things for different people) and that can be a painful realisation. That feeling of being left behind or left out can hurt and it can trigger nastiness. Understanding that is the first step.

I don't understand jealousy. I never have. Why is that? I have no idea. I don't get jalousie. I get exited when I hear other's life experiences.

But I do get angry. Angry when other's describe my life experiences as somehow inferior to theirs.

In my view, it is not a competition to accumulate life experiences. I believe that this life we are on is an amazing path, if you will, that is determined by the choices we make.

Is jealousy a negative feeling?? I think that it can be a destructive feeling. It destruct our inner self and it affects the whole world around us.

But jealousy doesn't feel good, does it? It really is a destructive energy in the body. So why hang on to it, if there are ways if resolving it?

I think its all normal unless you let it take control of your life.

It takes control of your life the second you experience it:). The question is more how much control you allow it to take.

Jealousy disempowers you. It makes you say and do things that are not in the highest for you or for those around you. It prevents you from being who you were meant to be and to see your own higher truth.

We hang on to jealousy and justify its existance because we are afraid of looking at ourselves and to question our beliefs. Other people are jealous, people in the past have been jealous, so it is OK if I am jealous too. So we make it 'normal'.

There is nothing wrong with making it normal at all. We all have free will to make choices. Regardless of what these choices are. But one thing I always ask people when I provide spiritual cuidance is: 'do the choices you make in your life serve you? do they make you happy'?

I am yet to meet someone that says jealousy makes then happy :).

This is a great discussion. We are all on the same page with this (at least I believe that we are) but offering different viewpoints/experiences.

Jealousy seems to assume (whether by association or definition) that the person feeling that emotion isn't happy for the other person. Perhaps disappointment is a more appropriate word to use at times. Disappointment for own percieved failings perhaps. Just a thought.

And no. I can't imagine anyone would say that jealousy makes them happy.

Of course it doesn't. But sometimes i think it necssary. Theres a lot of feelings you need that don't make you happy. You just need balance.

Thanks for everyones insights.

Rusha, you seem to have hit the nail on the head with exactly what I was/and sometimes do feel. It's like a disappointment in myself for not having experienced everything I could.

It's certainly not that i'm not happy for him that his life has been full (because that has made him who is is now), it may be thinking that i could have/should have done more but held back from life by whatever reason - usually fear I guess.